Friday, August 10, 2007

I want to be the PM!!!

In today's news...

Queensland Premier Peter Beattie's claim that his dog could win this year's federal election highlighted how cocky Labor was becoming, Prime Minister John Howard said.

Mr Beattie this week said his dog Rusty could lead Labor to victory, with polls showing the coalition government heading for a landslide loss later this year.

Reporter: What do you think of the Mr Beattie’s comments?

Me: Hahahaha! Bullshit! All fucking bullshit! How can that bitch win the election?

Reporter: Er, you do realise that he’s being sarcastic don’t you Mr. PM? Also, Rusty
is a male dog.

Me: I wasn’t referring to Rusty.

Reporter: So, what are your strategies to curb this freefall in voter’s sentiments?

Me: We will give the voters more money.

Reporter: Huh? What do you mean?

Me: Well, under my government, Australians have enjoyed the baby bonus, the 1st home
buyer’s grant, the entrepreneur tax offset, lower personal tax rates and higher
income thresholds. Clearly, this isn’t enough. So, we’re working on a
collaboration with several companies to provide families with white goods branded
with an “I love my government. Go Liberals! OI! OI! OI!” slogan. We’ve already
got Sony on board and we’re working hard to add to this.

Reporter: Isn’t that bribery?

Me: Bribery is illegal. Incentives are not.

Reporter: How much is this going to cost taxpayers?

Me: When you get a really expensive gift from your girlfriend, do you ask how much it
costs? Learn some manners son.

Reporter: I don’t have a girlfriend.

Me: So, you’re one of those homo……

Reporter: Excuse me?!!

Me: I was going to say homosapiens that don’t have a girlfriend.

Reporter: Oh. Sorry.

Me: No worries. I knew you’re not a poof anyway. Way too fat.

Reporter: What about healthcare, education, defence, the shortage of skilled labour,
workplace reforms and all these issues?

Me: As soon as people get their Liberals x Sony PS3 they’ll spend far less time
worrying and more time having fun. Turn that frown upside down my man.

Reporter: Good luck with your campaign Mr. PM.

Me: Hahahaha. We don’t need luck. They’re so dumb. We’re running against a dog now.
How hard can it be? It’s in the bag already.

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