Monday, September 24, 2007


So, I went to the gym last Friday evening for a long overdue workout. Friday evenings at the gym is normally a quiet affair because the female gym junkies are back home picking out a push-up bra, waxing and putting on the finishing touches to that 12th layer of foundation to hide those vein popping arms from all those bicep curls in anticipation of a night of hardcore partying. They hope that by the end of all that preparation, they are able to step out looking like a WWE Diva instead of Xena, warrior princess or the She Hulk.

The male gym junkies on the other hand is home trying to make their bodies smell like a perfume counter and picking out an outfit that they recently bought from the kid’s section of a departmental store. Nothing defines a sexy man like bulging muscles ready to rip through those tight constricting clothes. A word of caution - stay clear if you see shirt buttons that are about to pop because some of these so-called shootings that you hear in clubs are actually buttons with such high velocity that it pierces through human flesh. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. One could go blind or get an instant third nostril from one of these merciless projectiles.

Anyway, after an exhausting session, I went on to hit the showers. There I was enjoying the refreshing gush of warm water massaging my face and chest while trying hard to subdue the reflex of breaking into a song to declare to the world how happy and relaxed I was when I really should’ve been thinking about investing in a pair of Speedos. After a minute or two, I turned around to let my back and my royal buns in on the hot water action. This is when I noticed a camera lens looking at my python!!! A fucking mobile phone was being pointed at me from the opening at the bottom of the shower screens. Instinctively, I stuck out my foot at the lens and shouted, ‘Oi!’, but in hindsight, I should have screamed like a schoolgirl to get some help, roundhouse kicked the doors open and jumped the guy while he’s down. Put it down to shock for the slow reaction which incidentally also reduced the python to an earthworm in a nanosecond. I hurriedly grabbed my towel and went looking for the pervert but he was no where to be found. I made a complaint to the staff, went home and crawled into a fetal position on the bed and proceeded to cry myself to sleep the next couple of days. I was, in a sense, ass-fucked by a mobile phone.

The fucking homo probably has footage of me in the shower plastered all over the www by now or worse, jacking off to a clip of me in the shower. I don’t know how long the dude was there but if I ever see that sicko again, he better be prepared to have that phone jammed up his pee hole.

So, watch your ass in the shower…literally!


zewt said...

hahahahahahaha.... maybe he thought your python fit for the role of model... hahahahaha....

flaminglambo said...

my python will fit in any model...oh, you meant differently. LOL!

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