Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Boom! Shake, shake, shake the room.

In today's paper:

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Russia said today it had tested the world's most powerful vacuum bomb.

"Test results of the new airborne weapon have shown that its efficiency and power is commensurate with a nuclear weapon," Alexander Rukshin, deputy head of Russia's armed force chief of staff, told Russia's ORT First Channel television.

"You will now see it in action, the bomb which has no match in the world is being tested at a military site," the report said. It showed a Tupolev Tu-160 strategic bomber dropping the bomb over a testing ground. A large explosion followed.

A vacuum bomb, or fuel-air explosive, causes widespread devastation.

A typical bomb of that type is dropped or fired, the first explosive charge bursts open the container at a predetermined height and disperses the fuel in a cloud that mixes with oxygen.

A second charge ignites the cloud, which can engulf objects or buildings.

"At the same time, I want to stress that the action of this weapon does not contaminate the environment, in contrast to a nuclear one."

So, the Russians have developed a more environmentally friendly way of killing people.

Whoopsidoo! Somebody hand them a Nobel Green Prize already.

These military people are so thoughtful aren't they? It's like they're saying, 'Hey, look on the bright side. We kill in the thousands but we're not monsters. Those of you that were lucky enough to be alive gets to breed without having to worry about your kids turning into a teenage mutant ninja turtle or something. We've even created the hole in which you can build a lake or something. Enjoy and behave or else.'

Not to be outdone, the US is coming up with one that will be fueled entirely with the fart of it's citizens (Made in USA BIATCH!!!). Still in the testing phase, reports have confirmed that they just need to find a way to efficiently bottle the fart because current processes seem to lack the ability to filter out the occasional follow through that comes from its citizens forcing a fart too hard.

Oh well, shit happens. Hello Cold War...


zewt said...

it was only the other day i read about china building bombs with shit. since they have so many ppl... plenty of shit.

as for the russians... i think they are all just fuckwits.

and if the world really wanna promote peace... why do we need all these bombs?

flaminglambo said...

Aliens mah. We need bombs for the aliens and meteors. LOL!

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