Oh my creaking body.

Ten years ago, I'd put on my sneakers, grab my racquet/ball and run or ride my bmx to the courts. Now, I have to pack the voltaren and depending what sport I'm playing, the ankle guard, knee guard, elbow guard, compression shorts and singlet and just for good measure, the number for the ambulance on speed dial.

Ten years ago, warm ups were a waste of time. We'd get to the courts and go all out instantly. Now, if I wanted to walk the next day, even warm downs are a must let alone warm ups.

Ten years ago, I'd come home after 4 hours of chasing a ball and go about the rest of the day with plenty of energy. Now, I have to ice the knees and elbows and stretch so that I can get out of bed without the help of a forklift the next day.

Ten years ago, rice had only one meaning and that is food. Now, rice is rest, ice, compression and elevation.

Gotta' love ageing.

Boom! Shake, shake, shake the room.

In today's paper:

Russia said today it had tested the world's most powerful vacuum bomb.

"Test results of the new airborne weapon have shown that its efficiency and power is commensurate with a nuclear weapon," Alexander Rukshin, deputy head of Russia's armed force chief of staff, told Russia's ORT First Channel television.

"You will now see it in action, the bomb which has no match in the world is being tested at a military site," the report said. It showed a Tupolev Tu-160 strategic bomber dropping the bomb over a testing ground. A large explosion followed.

A vacuum bomb, or fuel-air explosive, causes widespread devastation.

A typical bomb of that type is dropped or fired, the first explosive charge bursts open the container at a predetermined height and disperses the fuel in a cloud that mixes with oxygen.

A second charge ignites the cloud, which can engulf objects or buildings.

"At the same time, I want to stress that the action of this weapon does not contaminate the environment, in contrast to a nuclear one."

So, the Russians have developed a more environmentally friendly way of killing people.

Whoopsidoo! Somebody hand them a Nobel Green Prize already.

These military people are so thoughtful aren't they? It's like they're saying, 'Hey, look on the bright side. We kill in the thousands but we're not monsters. Those of you that were lucky enough to be alive gets to breed without having to worry about your kids turning into a teenage mutant ninja turtle or something. We've even created the hole in which you can build a lake or something. Enjoy and behave or else.'

Not to be outdone, the US is coming up with one that will be fueled entirely with the fart of it's citizens (Made in USA BIATCH!!!). Still in the testing phase, reports have confirmed that they just need to find a way to efficiently bottle the fart because current processes seem to lack the ability to filter out the occasional follow through that comes from its citizens forcing a fart too hard.

Oh well, shit happens. Hello Cold War...

Fashion Police

I frequent www.streething.com/forum/index.php every few days or so. It's basically a forum on the local streetwear scene in Malaysia. I might be old but I'm still young at heart ya' know?

Anyway, a member called vioxx21 who is in the UK posted this:

"I was on my way out from the underground...
Then i was pushed to the wall by the police...
My body and backpack were checked...
Fuxx them...."

"B'coz of the 'fuck' word on the tee, i was fined £80 by police....So be careful next time u wear a tee with the word..."

I wouldn't have found it surprising if it happened in a country like Malaysia but in the UK?

What next? Fines for obese women wearing a mid-rift top and a mini skirt ala Britney Spears (pre-kids) for causing mental and visual distress?

Actually, that ain't half bad but gimme a break.

This is exactly what will happen if the police gets too much power.

Maybe the cops over there are not just getting jittery over backpacks being carried by people of middle-eastern appearance in their subways but apparently their heads are so screwed up at the moment, provocative tee shirts are also a no-no too. If they're concerned about the kids, tell me, how often do we see Wayne Rooney cuss when we watch him play?

I can almost hear Tony Blair saying that the terrorists will not change their way of life like it was yesterday. The fact of the matter is, it has. People in the UK and the US don't look at people of middle-eastern appearances or people that come from a Muslim country the same anymore. The uneducated even think Islam is evil.

Just yesterday, that feral of a woman, Pauline Hanson announced that she's forming a new political party called United Australia Party in the hope to win a Senate spot at the next election. One of the policies that she is pushing - limit the immigration of Muslims into Australia.

It'll be interesting to see how she goes and it'll be interesting to see how the police handle their new found power when the APEC meeting rolls into town in a few months. I work smack-bang in the middle of the proposed restricted zone, close to where the meeting will be held and the cops will have the power to search ANYONE and refuse entry into the zone.

Hope they refuse my entry on a work day.

BUSTED!

So, we were on our jolly way to work this morning when we were met with a small traffic jam heading towards the main junction joining the highway. Instinctively, the missus gave me 'the finger' - no, not that one - but one which signaled me to turn left at the next street to avoid the traffic using a shortcut that we've recently found.

Shortly after the left turn, I had to chuck a right which would put me parallel to the traffic stricken street that I was on moments ago.

Ahhhh...a free run.

About 3 seconds into it, a pig dressed as a cop hopped out of his doughnut-mobile, waddled into the middle of the road and gave me 'the finger' - no, not that one - but the one that signaled me to pull over.

I did.

The talking pig informed me that I made an illegal right turn. I told him that I didn't know because it made no sense that I couldn't turn right into a street in the middle of a housing area. He said that there was a sign and asked me for my license to which I complied.

Got done for $179. PHARK!!!

Damn pig and his sign. Why even bother giving these fools in the traffic division guns when they're not doing real police work? If the government really want to curb speeding or other petty traffic violations, they should consider arming the traffic division with a tight leather mini-skirt and a 'Stop' sign. You can be darn sure that us motorist will slow down to take a closer look.

Stupid pig deserves 'the finger' - yes, that one!

Hoo boy...

School's in again.

I skipped the first lecture last week because of the move thinking it was going to be the usual introductory crap but after 2 hours of - 'What the fuck is she going on about?', I don't think I'll miss anymore classes from here on in.

BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL! I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRR!

I don't feel any better but my Hulk is becoming incredible. Is that normal?

It's going to be a tough semester...