A helping hand.

There was an article in the papers last week on Chuck (Charles) Feeney, the billionaire philanthropist. Now, when somebody talks about billionaire philanthropists, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett comes to my mind. I’ve never even heard of this dude but his story is truly inspiring.

Okay, at this point, most of us are thinking that with billions, he can afford to be charitable but would you give MOST of it away? I’ve heard of Warren Buffett being thrifty but Feeney takes the cake. He’s one of those rare individuals that have their priorities so right that I can’t help but admire him. Here’s a guy that can have most material things but travels by bus (at least Buffett owns a car), flies coach, doesn't own a house and carries his documents in a plastic bag!

I find his humility and modesty very humbling, especially when we live in a world where between chasing the dollar and spending the dollar on having a good time, very little or no time is left for anything else. Sure, having a good time is everybody’s right but when we’re nearing the end of our lives, will we be happier knowing that we’ve lived a life based on indulgence or a life where we’ve helped make a difference in somebody’s life? One thing’s for sure, the memory of one of those choices lives on long after we’ve become one with the earth.

I have stopped believing that my donations to major charities would help since learning of the six figure salaries of some of the management staff of major charities and reading on how much is spent on administration. I realised how much of the donor’s money is not reaching the people that needs them most. Friends and acquaintances have defended the cause to pay top dollar to have the right people and facilities to organise initiatives but I fail to see the logic behind how more money goes into supporting the charity’s infrastructure than the cause itself. Of course, this is just me. I’m not trying to convert anyone or stir up a debate.

I now give money to my humble little church (when I attend) because they use the money to keep the place running and once in a while, I’ll send a cheque to the publishers of Our Daily Bread because I believe in their cause. When I receive gifts like chocolates from the office during Easter or Christmas, I usually give it to the homeless on my travels to and from the train station. Although these are not life changing gestures and I should really be doing much more by contributing my time towards a worthy cause, I do believe that we need to do something to help the needy. Anything.

More on Chuck Feeney

VIOLATED!!!

So, I went to the gym last Friday evening for a long overdue workout. Friday evenings at the gym is normally a quiet affair because the female gym junkies are back home picking out a push-up bra, waxing and putting on the finishing touches to that 12th layer of foundation to hide those vein popping arms from all those bicep curls in anticipation of a night of hardcore partying. They hope that by the end of all that preparation, they are able to step out looking like a WWE Diva instead of Xena, warrior princess or the She Hulk.

The male gym junkies on the other hand is home trying to make their bodies smell like a perfume counter and picking out an outfit that they recently bought from the kid’s section of a departmental store. Nothing defines a sexy man like bulging muscles ready to rip through those tight constricting clothes. A word of caution - stay clear if you see shirt buttons that are about to pop because some of these so-called shootings that you hear in clubs are actually buttons with such high velocity that it pierces through human flesh. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. One could go blind or get an instant third nostril from one of these merciless projectiles.

Anyway, after an exhausting session, I went on to hit the showers. There I was enjoying the refreshing gush of warm water massaging my face and chest while trying hard to subdue the reflex of breaking into a song to declare to the world how happy and relaxed I was when I really should’ve been thinking about investing in a pair of Speedos. After a minute or two, I turned around to let my back and my royal buns in on the hot water action. This is when I noticed a camera lens looking at my python!!! A fucking mobile phone was being pointed at me from the opening at the bottom of the shower screens. Instinctively, I stuck out my foot at the lens and shouted, ‘Oi!’, but in hindsight, I should have screamed like a schoolgirl to get some help, roundhouse kicked the doors open and jumped the guy while he’s down. Put it down to shock for the slow reaction which incidentally also reduced the python to an earthworm in a nanosecond. I hurriedly grabbed my towel and went looking for the pervert but he was no where to be found. I made a complaint to the staff, went home and crawled into a fetal position on the bed and proceeded to cry myself to sleep the next couple of days. I was, in a sense, ass-fucked by a mobile phone.

The fucking homo probably has footage of me in the shower plastered all over the www by now or worse, jacking off to a clip of me in the shower. I don’t know how long the dude was there but if I ever see that sicko again, he better be prepared to have that phone jammed up his pee hole.

So, watch your ass in the shower…literally!

No way Jose!!!

Chelsea have confirmed that manager Jose Mourinho has left the Stamford Bridge club by 'mutual consent' after three trophy-laden years at the helm.

A club statement claims that the decision was reached after the launch of a new Chelsea documentary - Blue Revolution - at the Vue cinema in Fulham on Wednesday night, where an emotional Mourinho refused to talk to the press.

However, the rumours of his departure began earlier in the day and claimed that billionaire owner Roman Abramovich called crisis talks following Tuesday night's disappointing 1-1 draw with Norwegian minnows Rosenborg in the Champions League, at which the fractious duo had a furious falling out.

Mourinho is believed to have informed senior players of his departure following training on Wednesday and one of those players insists that the manager has not resigned but has been sacked by the Blues.

Mourinho's rocky relationship with Abramovich was public knowledge and despite an apparent thaw in relations last season the duo were again at odds over the role of £30million striker Andrei Shevchenko and the Blues' dour style of football even before Tuesday's result brought events to a head.

The Portuguese manager, who has won the Champions League with Porto and two Premier League titles as Chelsea manager, was the subject of continual scrutiny last season and hinted at an exit last summer when he admitted he 'was a bit fed up with certain things' at the club.

After three-years at the London club the self-styled 'Special One' is expected to attend training for the final time on Thursday, when he will say good bye to his players.

Chelsea lost their title to Manchester United last season and have started this campaign with some lacklustre displays.

Their last two Premier League games ended in a defeat at Aston Villa and a 0-0 draw at home to Blackburn Rovers, leaving them fifth in the table.

Tuesday's draw with Rosenborg Trondheim in the Champions League was watched by just 25,000 fans.

Chelsea's next match is against Premier League champions Manchester United at Old Trafford on Sunday.

Jose "the madman" Mourinho getting the sack is just unbelievable. I just can't believe how quickly the decision came.

I'm not a fan of Chelsea by any means, especially when Abramovic bought the team and loaded it with a bunch of superstars. A lot of people, including me, thought that they could've won those silverware with a traffic police as a coach but Jose warmed up to me. He provided plenty of laughs with his antics and mind games both to his players and to other coaches. The comments made between Wenger and the hairdryer, Ferguson, were tame compared to the quotes that he gave us. Some were almost zen like and some were downright hilarious. I'd pay just to go to the press conference, let alone the match.

Madman or genius, what he did in Porto definitely proved his credentials as a top class coach. I can't imagine that he would quit when the going gets tough but in this age of instant everything, coaches are paid to get results. The bigger the pay packet, the more trigger happy the owners are. I just can't digest how quickly the board came to that decision. They showed no mercy to a guy that's won them every domestic trophy. I just don't see Jose going down without a fight though so the boardroom conversation must have went something like this:

Abramovic: You're fired.
Mourinho: What? You can't do that!
Abramovic: Here's $20m.
Mourinho: Ciao.

Man U better eat this team in the next fixture.

Boom! Shake, shake, shake the room.

In today's paper:

Russia said today it had tested the world's most powerful vacuum bomb.

"Test results of the new airborne weapon have shown that its efficiency and power is commensurate with a nuclear weapon," Alexander Rukshin, deputy head of Russia's armed force chief of staff, told Russia's ORT First Channel television.

"You will now see it in action, the bomb which has no match in the world is being tested at a military site," the report said. It showed a Tupolev Tu-160 strategic bomber dropping the bomb over a testing ground. A large explosion followed.

A vacuum bomb, or fuel-air explosive, causes widespread devastation.

A typical bomb of that type is dropped or fired, the first explosive charge bursts open the container at a predetermined height and disperses the fuel in a cloud that mixes with oxygen.

A second charge ignites the cloud, which can engulf objects or buildings.

"At the same time, I want to stress that the action of this weapon does not contaminate the environment, in contrast to a nuclear one."

So, the Russians have developed a more environmentally friendly way of killing people.

Whoopsidoo! Somebody hand them a Nobel Green Prize already.

These military people are so thoughtful aren't they? It's like they're saying, 'Hey, look on the bright side. We kill in the thousands but we're not monsters. Those of you that were lucky enough to be alive gets to breed without having to worry about your kids turning into a teenage mutant ninja turtle or something. We've even created the hole in which you can build a lake or something. Enjoy and behave or else.'

Not to be outdone, the US is coming up with one that will be fueled entirely with the fart of it's citizens (Made in USA BIATCH!!!). Still in the testing phase, reports have confirmed that they just need to find a way to efficiently bottle the fart because current processes seem to lack the ability to filter out the occasional follow through that comes from its citizens forcing a fart too hard.

Oh well, shit happens. Hello Cold War...

APEC 2007

The Ah Peks are here.

Going to and from work in the past few days have been surreal. Police everywhere, helicopters up above, high fences and barriers around the cbd area where I work, protesters getting ready to storm the streets, bodyguards with their suits, sunnies and visible earpiece (so cool) hanging outside hotels where the delegates are staying, I felt like I was in the middle of a war zone or a video game.

I've seen some cops harassing people and refraining them from taking photographs in the 'exclusion zone' but no big fights between them and the protesters yet.

Here are some pics of Dubya with the PM and all the Secret Service agents surrounding their arrival. What I wanna' know is where the US convoy get their left-hand-drive Hummers and Cadillacs because I've never seen one on the streets before. I wonder if they came in Air Force 1.

PS: I didn’t know we were being watched by snipers too. Damn, I hope they don't sneeze.

Tiger Woods does a Sir Charles

You know you've made it when the best golfer ever impersonates you.

I wouldn't stand anywhere near Charles Barkley when he's teeing off though.